Sunday, January 17, 2010

Surrender again!

I find myself in a place I have been in too many times. For years now I have struggled to control my tongue. I have been told to read James 5 a few times, lol. There was a time that I would just say things without thinking. In high school I was incredibly blunt. As a pastor's wife or even a Christian that is not usually a good thing. A friend of mine, used to threaten to carry duct tape so if I started to say something I shouldn't she could put it over my mouth. Thankfully she never did. I am positive she should have, however. Honestly, I struggle to control it. That is the problem, however... God needs to be in control. I do a lousy job, believe me. I have to surrender every day. I, seriously can't do this on my own. This week, I lost it on a coworker. She laughed; she thought I was kidding:) It was a funny story, except I found myself slipping over and over again this week. It is way to familiar of a place for me! I get so tired of being in this place... again! We sang a song at church today, that really spoke to me. It was: "The More I Seek You." The words are "The more we seek Him, the more we'll find Him. The more we find Him, the more we love Him. Come, let us sit at His feet, drink from the cup in His hands, lay back against Him and breathe, feel His heart beat. This love is so deep. It is more than I can stand. Let us melt in His peace that's overwhelming." I am overwhelmed alot but not with Him or His peace. Maybe that is because I am sooo busy doing things that I do not make time for Him. I really worship and I feel His presence on Sunday mornings, but what about the rest of the week? Am I too busy? Could I cut something out? What do I cut out? What do add? Should I not be admitting any of this, as a pastor's wife? I don't know but somehting has to change! All in all I surrender... AGAIN!


deana said...

thanks for your candor. your openness validates what many of us, and especially pastor's wives, experience.

the truthfulness of your struggle along w/the truth of the power of Christ to deal with it will set people free. free to admit the same about themselves; free to repent authentically w/o the sugar coating; free to confide in others for support & prayer. for how can we experience the fullness of forgiveness and grace if we do not confess fully?

remember, along with the instruction in james about the control of our temper and words, comes instruction in chapter 5, "If you have sinned, you should tell each other what you have done. Then you can pray for one another and be healed."

thanks, woman!

Anonymous said...

Hello~happy new year............................................................