Surrender Again???

So... lately I have been very frustrated. Why? because, we are exactly where we should be. I love Element Church! My kids are happy in there schools. Its all good right? Yeah, its all good without me. I am gone for most of the day. I am tired, tired of being nice and then I come home. My family does not deserve my leftovers. I run from work to whatever is next. There has been no time alone with God. When there was time, I was glued to facebook, tv, etc. I'm tired. A friend suggested a book and some other things to get me on track. I read the book, I started prioritizing and reading my bible but my attitude although better was not changed. I am frustrated with myself! Yesterday, I cried out to God. That is what the book said to do. I cried, I complained, I questioned. Tonight, I was alone with time. I could have napped, facebooked, etc. I made myself turn on some music and work out (another thing I was neglecting). During my work out I heard God. It was kind of comical after a while. The first song was Never Alone by Barlow Girl. I had complained that I was lonely yesterday. Second was about Brokenness, Third was by Casting Crowns, it talked about God catching me when I am falling. I complained that all I do is work and we still struggle. The next one was Surrender by Barlow Girl. This is when I laughed. This is a topic that has been pounded into my hard head for quite some time. The list just kept going. Sometimes in the ministry we are surrounded by people but feel very alone. Sometimes I long for what once was. Don't get me wrong I LOVE what we are doing in ministry. I love Element Church! I just want some of the past things too. Moving on is tough. Feeling like you are moving on alone is tougher. I have a hard time depending on God and not those that have held me up in the past. They are still there but I have to let HIM catch me when I am falling, not them. I get it but I am still working on doing it. I miss them!